Time infinite

Time infinite

Monday 27 July 2015

Personal experience of abuse

Most of this blog is written in the third person.  This blog post is different. 

It has taken me about a year to let go of some of the things that happened to me when I was trapped in an abusive relationship.  Abusive people take over every aspect of your existence so that in many respects, you stop being who you are.  I lost about 50% of my personality, when I was with my ex.  Amongst many other elements of abuse, I was controlled by my ex.  There were a large numbers things that I simply wasn't allowed to do.  It sounds incredible to say that.  You probably think, why on earth did you let someone control you like that and the answer is rather complex.  Over time it becomes easier, moreover it becomes safer to do what your partner wants.  It becomes easier to stop having a voice.  Having a voice means you get threatened, you get hurt, your children are at risk and you get screamed at.  So to avoid the anger, the threats and so on, you live your life the way your abusive partner wants you to.  Also you still love your abusive partner, you believe they will change, you make excuses for them and you worry that you won't manage without them because they have stolen your self-esteem. 

About 2 months after we left my ex, I remember feeling guilty for buying my daughter hair bands.  I wasn't allowed to buy things like that because they were a luxury.  With my ex, I had no say whatsoever regarding anything that appertained to money.  When we left my ex and I had the freedom to buy something without threats, without fear, yet I found it difficult because I had become so controlled by him.  Similar feelings occurred in queues.  I would be screamed at, often in public, for choosing the wrong queue. The right queue was the fastest.  I used to feel a terrible sense of dread as I approached a queue with my ex.  A year on, I sometimes choose the longest queue, just because I can!  Likewise, I would be screamed at for stopping to rearrange the buggy when walking anywhere.  It didnt matter whether we were in a rush or not, if I bent down to make sure shopping was safe in the buggy, I would be shouted at.  I used to worry that items of shopping might fall out of the buggy but didn't dare check it because of his reaction.  He used to tell me that I was paranoid and that I was an emotional mess because I wanted to stop to rearrange the buggy.  Thus, I was always treading on egg shells.  I never operated in the here and now because I was always worrying about what he would say and do.

A year on, I often live in the moment.  I have the same worries that every person has.  But I don't live inside a relationship that is built upon control.  I make my own choices.  I am in charge of my own finances.  Moreover, I am in charge of my own life.  I have every part of my personality back.  In fact, I now feel like I'm superwoman.  It has taken a year to reach this point but I can now say that I feel more free than I ever have.  I smile with genuine happiness most of the time.  There are ups and downs, of course.  Sometimes being a single parent is hard but despite it's challenges, it is a million times easier than life inside abuse.

I could list 100s of things that my ex did but a huge list of horrible experiences would make for long and depressing reading.

This post is about freedom, my freedom from abuse.

May anyone experiencing domestic abuse, find their way to freedom.  

Yours,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy
xx

Monday 25 May 2015

The manipulator

An example of abusive behaviour is someone who repeatedly attempts to manipulate their victims.  It can be difficult to spot.  Particularly if the abuser knows how to hide their manipulative actions. For example, a manipulator may sulk until their victim does what they want.  They may refuse to help with the children, carry out housework or stop talking to you until they get their own way.  They may even carry out very odd behaviours in public to make their victim embarrassed until they get what they want such as exposing themselves, attempting to tell members of the public about their opinions on your relationship, asking for other people's opinions on a 'disagreement' or even threatening to run in front of car.

In fact, repeatedly threatening suicide is a very common example of manipulative behaviour.  Although threatening suicide can be a cry for help,when it happens alongside other types of abusive behaviour, it is an example of emotional abuse and manipulation.

Victims of abuse must always remember that they are NOT at fault.  It is always the fault of the abuser.  We are each responsible for own actions.  If someone attempts to manipulate you, to get what they want, your relationship is not a healthy one.

In emotionally supportive relationships, people have open discussions to reach compromise.  Manipulation and abuse has no part in a healthy relationship. In healthy relationships, the protagonists understand that they may sometimes not get what they want.  If compromise cannot be reached, each person is prepared to concede on their desired outcome.  However it should not be the same person who concedes their desires every time.  Desires / expectations in relationship should be reasonable, human centred and not undermine the other persons personal emotional power

Yours The Renegade Glitter Fairy

xx

Wednesday 15 April 2015

Self-defined

It's absolutely vital to remember that each person is defined by themselves.  No other person can define who we are.  No one can tell us how to be.

However, abusive relationships strip victims of their personal power.  Once a victim of abuse is able to escape the abusive relationship, they can begin to rebuild their sense of power.  This takes time and effort.  But it is possible.

For victims of abuse, and indeed for all of us, it is vital to place our hands on the driving wheel of our lives.  Moreover, it is extremely important to be true to who we are.   

Yours,


The Renegade Glitter Fairy
xx 

Sunday 22 March 2015

Responsibility

Victims of domestic abuse can be female or male.  Moreover, children, can be victims of abuse both in terms of direct abuse, which is referred to as child abuse and when the children witness the domestic abuse of their carers.  It is absolutely vital to remember that in every case of domestic abuse, the victim is NEVER at fault.

Male victims may feel emasculated.  They may feel that they cannot be victim of abuse because it shouldn't happen to men. Yet, sadly it can.  Anyone can become a victim of domestic abuse.  It doesn't happen to certain types of people.  It doesn't happen to people with certain backgrounds.  

Perpetrators of abuse will often to seek to blame their victims.  In fact they will often seek to blame anyone and anything rather than accept responsibility for their own actions.  Although domestic abuse can be two-way, in other words it is possible for both sides of a relationship to be abusive.  In every case victims are not at fault.  It is always the responsibility of the perpetrator.

It is important for everyone that has experienced domestic abuse to understand that they need not feel guilt.  Perpetrators will often do everything they can to absolve themselves of responsibility.  This type of manipulation can make a victim question whether they caused the abuse.  Furthermore, the victim may be manipulated to make excuses for the perpetrator.   It is not possible to cause domestic abuse.  There is no excuse.  The perpetrator, without exception, is responsible.

More generally, in life, we are all responsibilities for own actions.  Doubtless life can throw terrible provocation at us but never-the-less we each choose how we behave. The responsibility for whatever behaviour we exhibit lies within ourselves not with another person, object or circumstance.

Yours,


The Renegade Glitter Fairy

xx  

Saturday 21 March 2015

Self-esteem

Once someone leaves an abusive relationship, how does that person promote positive self-esteem?  Self-esteem is usually very damaged due to domestic abuse and it is vital that victims find their way back to a position of emotional security.

Counseling can be very helpful, as can programmes which are designed to help victims understand what domestic abuse is.  A further helpful method to improve self-esteem is to practice positive affirmations.  These sound complicated but they are not.  It is simply the things you think about yourself.  In other words, positive affirmations are active thoughts about yourself that support your psyche.  The way we think, creates the way we feel.  Following an abusive relationship, many of our thoughts about ourselves may be quite negative.  Positive affirmations change this.

It helps if positive affirmations are short and easy to remember.  For example:

I am happy
I am intelligent
I am beautiful
I am kind
I am organised
I am a good mother

It also helps if the affirmations are meaningful.  If the abuser generally ridiculed your looks or your intellect or you mothering skills then positive affirmations that focus on these areas will be most beneficial.

It can be helpful to have just a few affirmations to begin with and focus on repeating these a number of times a day.  If possible repeat them out loud.  It is helpful to choose a time of day where you will remember to say the affirmations.  For example, first thing in the morning, last thing at night and during your lunch.

Over time, positive affirmations do help to improve the way your see yourself.  This is the case for all people, one does not have to be a victim of abuse to benefit from positive affirmations.

Yours,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy 

Hiding abuse

Abusive people can hide abusive behaviours within seemingly innocent behaviours. In other words, they can do things that might, to others, not seem like abuse.  Abusers may carry out an action, in a public place, that to everyone else seems innocent but to the victim is a clear message that abuse will start as soon as they are somewhere private.  For example, loudly clearing the throat or repeating a certain word / phrase.  This behaviour is designed to frighten the victim whilst simultaneously hiding the behaviour from everyone else. 

If an abuser purposely lowers their voice to a whisper but continues to say nasty or unpleasant things - this is still an example of abusive behaviour.  Moreover, whispering abusive words is a clear example of abuse because the abuser is in control of their behaviour.  They know exactly what they are doing and their intention is to hurt the victim. Abusers don't have to raise their voice to be abusive.

An abuser may use innocent and seemingly kind words to frighten the victim.  For example, they may grit their teeth, lower their voice but retain a disturbing tone and say things that would appear, to those outside the 'relationship' to be pleasant.   For example they may say something like "yes I really the value the way you cleaned the kitchen and that you put the pans where are supposed to go".  They may say please and thank you.  They may appear polite.  Yet, the victim knows that they didn't put the pans away and the victim picks up on the subtle but disturbing tone of voice. Taken within the context of an abusive relationship, this is in itself an example of abusive behaviour.  Furthermore, it may be an indicator that more turbulent and dangerous abuse will follow later.  Within an abusive 'relationship', a certain look, the raising of an eyebrow or a certain type of smile can be examples of abuse.  The victim understands the coded behaviour and so does the abuser but it is hidden from everyone else.  

It's important for victims to remember that abusive people are not just angry, they are in control of their behaviours.  Although an abuser may become very angry and appear out of control, generally speaking they know exactly what they are doing.  Their intention is to intimidate, control and hurt their victims. 

There is never any excuse for domestic abuse.  It is entirely the responsibility of the abuser.  Victims must escape abusive relationships as safely as possible and must always ensure that children are not at risk.  Call Refuge on 0808 2000 247 or the police on 999 in an emergency.  Ideally, victims should get themselves to a place of safety before calling for help. Even if it's barricading themselves and all the children into a room before calling the police.

Domestic abuse is never acceptable.  Whether it is physical, sexual, emotional, mental, financial or a combination of these - it must NOT be allowed to continue.

Yours,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy

Sunday 15 March 2015

Escape abusive relationships

Victims of abuse should always seek to escape their situation in a way that does not put them at risk.  This means choosing to leave without telling the abuser you are leaving.  As a general rule, perpetrators of abuse will not simply allow their victims to leave.  They will use an array of methods to either discourage or simply prevent the victim from leaving.  This might mean physically harming the victim.  It might lead to serious physical harm or even death.  Even in abusive relationships that are less physically damaging, the perpetrator of abuse will make it very hard or impossible for the victim to leave.

Thus, a victim should make a plan to leave and stick to it.  Ideally, victims should leave when the perpetrator is out or when it is possible to slip away.  It might be necessary to make up an excuse for going out, such as visiting the shops.  It is generally not a good idea to tell anyone where you are going until you are a safe distance away from the perpetrator.  There is a wealth of guidance online regarding this.  Local services that protect victims from abuse can also offer advice.

It goes without saying that children should always accompany the victim of abuse to a place of refuge.  If it's possible to stay with a trusted person who lives a safe distance away from the perpetrator of abuse, and, who is not known by the perpetrator, this may be a favourable option. However there are refuges across the UK which are safe places for victims to stay. The majority of these refuges are for women, however there are some for men.  The addresses of these places is not public but a contact telephone number always is.  They offer support and, most importantly secure accommodation. 

Refuge is an excellent organisation that offers help, advice and information on local refuges.  http://www.refuge.org.uk/.

If victims are in immeadiate danger, without exception, the police must always be called.  If possible, escape to safety with any children first, then call the police.

Although this is a difficult and emotive subject, the more we talk about it, the greater the possibility that domestic abuse will cease to be hidden behind closed doors and significantly, more victims will find their way into a safer, brighter future.

Yours,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy
xx

Tuesday 10 March 2015

Striding on

Today I received some news that might, in the past, have caused me to stop my world.  Today, I responded to the upsetting news by striding forward.  In fact, I feel very positive because I know something better will come my way. The thing that I wanted, wasn't meant for me. 

Think positive.  A split second before you have a thought, you choose to have it.  In other words, we choose our thoughts.  They do not choose us.  Take control of your thinking and make it as uplifting as you can.  There will always be difficult times. There will be times when positive thinking takes every ounce of will you have. Never-the-less, positive thinking can be achieved. 

Remember: you are what you think.

Yours,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy

xx

Sunday 8 March 2015

Womens Day - celebrate women!

The month of March celebrates women.  Today, the 8th March, events that celebrate women are being held across the globe.  Celebrating women and promoting gender balance, is certainly something to shout about.  Women throughout history have made great achievements, sadly some of these achievements haven't been shouted about enough.  So lets celebrate women today and everyday! 

Go here http://www.internationalwomensday.com


Friday 6 March 2015

Why is it so hard to see black and blue?

The Salvation Army South Africa have used the dress that recently sparked a debate over it's colour.  They ask why is it so hard to see black and blue?  We must speak out against domestic abuse.  We must stop abuse against all victims. Physical violence only one form of domestic abuse - the other forms are psychological, sexual, financial and emotional. Victims can experience one or all of the types. 

https://twitter.com/SalvationArmySA/status/573788726632935424?utm_source=fb&fb_ref=Default&utm_content=573788726632935424&utm_campaign=SalvationArmySA&utm_medium=fb

Wednesday 4 March 2015

A positive mindset

This morning I was dragged awake at 6.30am.  I'm not a morning person but toddlers, sadly, are morning people (they are also awake-in-the-middle-of-the-night people but we won't get into that).  I have swollen glands and, what can only be described as a hardcore cold.  Never-the-less, at around 6.30am, I got out of bed, did a few domestic things and put Cbeebies on.  Postman Pat had just started.  Rather than fighting the desire to scream choice swear words at the happy-clappy early morning kids TV noise, I found I was genuinely engaged in the story. Moreover, by about 7.10am, I was singing along with the theme tune.  I followed this with a rather enthusiastic "mission accomplished", which is a quote in their 'Special Delivery Service' song.  I'm not even joking.  It's 7.23am.  I don't have to be at work until 11am.  I feel as rough as course grain sandpaper but I have a positive mindset. 

The Dinopaws are now  bouncing around on the TV with terrifying enthusiasm and no, I don't feel like I want to storm into the TV and punch their pinks and purple faces.  I'm feeling pleasantly pleased with the Dinopaws' enthusiasm.  

Thus, having a positive mindset actually makes a big difference to the way your feel. What we think is what we are.

PS.  I'm a single mummy, I work, my washing machine broke last Thursday, I've been through an array of difficult experiences in the last few years and I'm still smiling.

PPS. I find that chocolate and tea supports the positive thinking processes.

Yours,

The Renegade Glitter Fair

xx

Saturday 28 February 2015

What you think, is what you are

Thoughts are extremely powerful.  Our experience of the world is based upon our perspective of it.  Two different people can experience the exact same thing but will feel it differently.  The way we feel is largely based upon our perspective, which is created upon our life experiences, our knowledge of the world and the way we have learned to process information.


Sometimes we imagine that someone doesn't like us.  Everything they say to us gives us the sense that they dislike who we are.  Whilst this may be the case, often it is the way we read the situation that suggests they dislike us.  Once we form the idea that someone doesn't like us, it becomes very difficult to shake that idea off.  In fact it seems impossible.  But it isn't.  We can think differently. We can choose to think that the person does like us.  We can internally tell ourselves this over and over again. We can focus on the positive things they say.  We can look for the good in the person.  Pretty soon we will change our perspective.  That isn't to say that every single being on the planet is a jolly person waiting to happen.  There are people that do terrible things and it's likely impossible to think of those people as anything other than terrible. Though it is helpful to our sense of selves, if even those terrible people are thought to be in need of help.  This does not excuse their actions it merely releases us from our negative thinking.  Negative thoughts do not make us feel good.  Negative thoughts make us feel negative.  It's rather obvious when you think about it.



Likewise, if we see the world as negative, then that's exactly what it is.  Everything little thing that happens feeds into the idea that the world is negative.  We spot every piece of negative news, and filter out the good things.  Even if we just spill a drink, rather than it seeming like unfortunate but an easily fixed happenstance, it seems like a further example of the bad things that happen to us.  It becomes part of the spiral of negativity.

There is a wealth of discourse that tells us to see the positives, to think ourselves happy, to be grateful for our blessings and so on.  These practices actually work.  They don't work because of some pie-in-the-sky idealism, they work because of logic.  It is what we think, alongside our physical experiences, that creates positivity. For example, someone smiles at us but we don't notice because we are lost in negative thoughts, they smile again but still we don't see and even if they smile once more, by that time even if we notice, we are so consumed with negative thinking that their smile doesn't elicit a heartfelt smile from us.  We may smile back out of politeness but we don't mirror their smile.  We don't feel their smile.  Yet another person, not lost in negative thoughts, open to feeling a smile, shares a magical interaction.  Imagine scenarios like this over and over again as we stroll / struggle (delete as appropriate) through life - one person responding to positivity and the other being lost in negativity.  It's easy to see who will feel happy and who will feel unhappy.


Positive thinking really does make a difference.  There will always be personal situations and those situations we see in the wider world that will pull us down, they may even pull us down for some time.  Grief and personal illness are clear examples of this.  Yet even in these times, and perhaps especially in these times, it is vital that we use our thoughts to pull ourselves forward until there is a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel.  That glimmer will become ever brighter as we think ourselves happy. Of course we should also utilise support networks, take part in positive experiences and heal our physical selves.  

Loving wishes and peace,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy

xx    



Friday 27 February 2015

Remote control

I saw a quote earlier today which said "If I was meant to be controlled, I would have been born with a remote control".  This struck a chord with me.  Sadly, it probably strikes a chord with many people.

No one has the right to control another person. Support is wonderful.  Guidance can be helpful.  Advice too, can provide great benefits.  Compromise in relationships is vital and relationship decisions should be shared.  Decisions that appertain to an individual person, should be made by that person. 

Each individual should have their hands on the driving wheel of their life. No other person has the right to decide:

Who you see
Where you go
How long you stay
What clothes you wear
How much make-up you wear
Whether you wear make-up
What music you listen to
Who you talk to
How much money you spend
How much money you save
And so on.....

These decisions, and decisions like them are decided by the individual.  There are cases where another person may have to act on your behalf, for example in illness or where your abilities are impaired through disability.  However, even in these cases, each person should have as much decision making responsibility as possible with regards to their own life.

If you feel that you are being controlled, do not let this continue.  Take your power back.  Control is a form of domestic abuse.  And it is never okay.


First person, third person

Some of the posts on this blog will be written in the first person, and will express my thoughts and experiences.  Others will be more informational and written in the third person. 

I hope all my blog posts will prove helpful and inspiring. 

xx

Tuesday 24 February 2015

Negativity

Today I had some negative thoughts.  Things that people said and did bothered me.  I felt anger towards those people.  Some of my negative thoughts were towards situations that have long since past and some were to more recent occurrences. 

Negative thoughts, breeds more negatives.  Thus, I sent those people that once hurt me kindness.  I wished them well.  It was difficult to do this with heartfelt honesty but I worked at it and I achieved it.  

When you feel tangled up in bitterness, it serves no one. Ill will only makes those holding negative thoughts feel worse.  In other words, holding negativity in your heart makes you, the holder, feel negative. 

Focus on what is good.  Notice all the good things in your life.  They are easier to spot than you think. Count your blessings.  Even in the hardest of times, there will be moments, perhaps only moments, of abundance.  Sometimes they are fleeting.  Sometimes they seem few.  But each day has moments of joy. 

Peace and love,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy
xx

Hope


Monday 23 February 2015

Children matter

This is easy to say, it might even seem obvious but children really matter.  All children.  Every child across the globe.  Most people feel a sense of compassion towards children and most people struggle when they hear that children are suffering. 

I would like make a request that everyone does something each day to help a child.  It doesn't have to be a big act of kindness, to a child, all acts of kindness have value.  If you see a child struggling, smile at them.  If you see a carer struggling with a child, send the carer warm thoughts.  Send the child warm thoughts.  Compassionate thoughts really do make a difference.  Action, too, makes a difference. 

If you think a child may be in danger - report it.  If you know a child is being hurt, do something about it.  Support charities that support children.  Work for a charity that supports children. As a wise person once said "be the difference you wish to see in the world".   

Children, at their outset are the blank canvases.  We make them what they become.  A child's experiences of life are provided by their parents, their care givers - surely we should endeavour to make those experiences happy, nurturing ones.  Moreover it is children that will grow into the adults of the future.  A nurturing childhood will help to ensure that children become nurturing adults.  After all, we don't become kind people by being shouted and screamed at, we become kind by being shown what kindness is. 

Of course compassion is not the only life tool - learning, education, personal emotional strength, communication, creativity and other elements matter too.  But if we do not act with compassion, we cease to be what makes us human.  And if a child is not taught how to be compassionate, they will not be compassionate. 


With peace,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy

The starfish


Health and soul


Our hearts


Sunday 22 February 2015

Personal power

It is important that everyone feels a strong sense of personal emotional power.  I don't refer to the kind of power associated with a Bond villain.  I refer to the kind of power that is associated with emotional security.  Emotional security is, in an ideal world, built up from birth.  Yet even the happiest of lives can include impacts upon ones sense of emotional security.  Personal loss, bullying in school, rejection and similar experiences can reduce people's power.

Bullying in particular has tremendous impacts upon people's sense of power.  Bullying happens in different contexts - school, the workplace and, of course, the home.  One type of bullying behaviour is generally described as domestic abuse or domestic violence.  The victims of domestic abuse have their sense of personal power damaged over time.  There are different types of abuser and there are different types of domestic abuse.  It also varies in it's severity.  However, regardless of the type, the abuser or the severity - the results for the victim is the much the same, their sense of power is severely damaged.  Obviously the worst kinds of abuse can lead to serious injury or even death.

Personal relationships that encompass domestic abuse must be escaped.  In theory, it's possible that an abusive person can receive help to alter their behaviours, however they must be open to this and the success of any programmes will depend on how well the abuser interacts with a programme.  For the most part though, victims of abuse must escape the abusive relationship.  There are services that provide support to victims https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-victims/ive-been-affected/domestic-abuse.  Where there is any immediate danger the police MUST ALWAYS be called.  Also, it is important to remember that all beings can be subjected to abuse - children, men, women and animals.  My focus in this post will be on adult victims.

We must always remember that there is no excuse for abusive behaviour.  Abusive people will seek to blame others and they will seek to blame the victim.  In fact abusive people will seek to blame anyone and anything rather than accept responsibly for their behaviour.

Sometimes abuse can be somewhat tricky to recognise, particularly if abuse takes psychological forms.  Yet whatever form abuse takes, it SHOULD NOT be accepted.  It is absolutely vital that victims of abuse escape their situation.  It should be noted that abuse is repeated behaviours. For example if someone calls you an unpleasant name, as a one off, although unpleasant, this would not, in itself mean you had been a victim of domestic abuse.  Never-the-less, if someone carries out an act of violence towards their partner, even if it seems to be a one off, it is important that victims do not wait until they are hit again.  The chances are, they will be hit again and it could be much worse next time.

The information below was taken from http://www.woodbridgedvrt.org/pages/fiveforms.html. It describes different types of domestic abuse / violence.

The Five Forms of Domestic Abuse

Physical

Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury
example: grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting

Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain health example: medication, medical care, wheelchair, food or fluids, sleep, hygienic assistance Forcing alcohol or other drug use

Sexual

Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent
example: marital rape, acquaintance rape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on the sexual parts of the body, forced prostitution, fondling, sodomy, sex with others

Attempting to undermine the victim' sexuality
example: treating him/her in a sexually derogatory manner, criticizing sexual performance and desirability, accusations of infidelity, withholding sex

Psychological

Instilling or attempting to instill fear
example: intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, victim, and/or others, threatening to harm and/or kidnap children, menacing, blackmail, harassment, destruction of pets and property, mind games, stalking

Isolating or attempting to isolate victim from friends, family, school, and/or work example:withholding access to phone and/or transportation, undermining victim's personal relationships, harassing others, constant "checking up,” constant accompaniment, use of unfounded accusations, forced imprisonment

Emotional

Undermining or attempting to undermine victim sense of worth
example: constant criticism, belittling victim's abilities and competency, name-calling, insults, put-downs, silent treatment, manipulating victim's feelings and emotions to induce guilt, subverting a partner's relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises

Economic

Making or attempting to make the victim financially dependent
example: maintaining total control over financial resources including victim's earned income or resources received through public assistance or social security, withholding money and/or access to money, forbidding attendance at school, forbidding employment, on-the-job harassment, requiring accountability and justification for all money spent, forced welfare fraud, withholding information about family running up bills for which the victim is responsible for payment 


Abusive people, generally speaking, do not listen to reason.  Victims of abuse cannot fix their abuser partner. Moreover, and this is most important to recognise - victims of abuse are not to blame for domestic abuse.  Although they may feel guilt, they are not responsible for someone else's behaviour.  Situations can exist where both partners are abusive.  In which case, both people are responsible for their behaviour.  Remaining in an abusive relationship is unhelpful and may be very dangerous.  Particular if children are involved.

Victims must escape their situation and they must find ways to reclaim their emotional power.  Counselling can be very helpful to victims of abuse.  People that have been subjected to abuse should utilise every type of support available to them.  This can include family, friends and professionals.  In the UK there are locally delivered programmes designed to help victims of abuse.  There also safe places to stay when victims have left their abusive partner.

Personal relationships should be emotionally nurturing and, on balance, both parties should feel emotionally supported.  Although it is worth noting that all relationships have their ups and downs.  And sometimes the down periods can last for quite some time.  It is also worth noting that most adults will argue with their partner at times.  Never-the-less, it is important to recognise that domestic abuse is not an argument.  Arguing will likely take place but people can argue without being abusive.  Usually, in arguments, people tend to stick the point they are making.  It is a disagreement.  A difference of opinion.  In normal arguments things do not become aggressive, threatening or nasty.  People in an argument do not feel frightened or victimised.

Crucially, we must always remember that domestic abuse is NEVER okay.  It is never acceptable.  There are no excuses.

Alongside the more general spiritual aims of this blog, I will aim to help victims of domestic abuse to reclaim their power and find a way back to being who they truly are.  

xx

Saturday 21 February 2015

Positive affirmations

Some of my personal positive affirmations are listed below.  I say these out loud and in the quiet of my mind a number of times a day.  I find positive affirmations very helpful.  Negative thoughts are unhelpful thinking practices, whereas positive thoughts, as you might expect, support your psyche:



I am a truly beautiful person

I am perfect as I am right now
 
I choose my thoughts

My life is in perfect order right now

I am calm

I listen to my inner wisdom

I know who I am

xx

Angelic messages

As part of my spiritual journey, I've found these two sites very interesting and useful.  Open your mind and your heart then check out the links below:

http://sacredscribesangelnumbers.blogspot.com.au/

http://spiritlibrary.com/doreen-virtue/number-sequences-from-the-angels

Peace,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy xx


First post

This is my first post on my new blog.  A blog dedicated to a spiritual journey, to empowerment and to making the world feel happier.  

I'm stepping further along my own spiritual journey and I want to share my progress.  I also want to share positive affirmations, thoughts on mindfulness and ways to encourage one's sense of personal power.  Some of my thoughts will generally be about spirituality and some will relate to encouraging a sense of power to people who have experienced / are experiencing abusive relationships.

I'm not an expert on any of the matters highlighted above and much of what I will say will be my opinions.  However, I truly hope that others will find my musings useful.

No doubt that angels, white magic and fairies will find their way into my writings.  I strongly suspect that yogalates will get more than a mention too.  

Love and peace to all,

The Renegade Glitter Fairy xx